Opening: The following series
addresses sensitive topics

including self harm and suicide.
Listener discretion is advised.

Uneasy Tiger: Uneasy Tiger.

Dr. Miles: So right here in the
left frontal lobe, that's where

the tumor is sitting.

Jim: I see.

Dr. Miles: So you haven't
noticed any changes to your

health before the seizure? Like
anything with your mood or

behavior?

Jim: Oh, nothing too out of the
ordinary. What do you think?

Patti: I don't know.

Luisa: I mean, there was... I
don't know.

Dr. Miles: Tumors in that area
of the brain can cause mood

changes. Confusion,
irritability, aggression, that

sort of thing. This may not be
the case for you, Mrs. Hillman,

but keep an eye out.

Patti: Okay.

Dr. Miles: Next step is getting
you in with the neurosurgeon,

who will likely recommend
surgery to find out exactly what

the tumor is. Depending on
whether it's cancerous or not

will determine everything else.

Luisa: So the tumor could be
benign?

Dr. Miles: Yes. A tumor doesn't
necessarily mean cancer.

Jim: Okay. Good.

Dr. Miles: If

it is cancer, you'll be referred
to an oncologist who will let

you know your treatment options.
Could be chemo, could be

radiation, maybe both. The
neurosurgeon and oncologist will

fill in the gaps. In the
meantime, you'll want to watch

out for any new symptoms,
anything out of the norm.

Jim: Right.

Dr. Miles: I'll have the
receptionist schedule you in

with the neurosurgeon.

Jim: Yes. Good. Thank you.

Dr. Miles: Any questions for me?

Patti: No. I'm fine.

Dr. Miles: Of course. If you

think of anything, just call the
office. I'm happy to answer any

questions about the MRI and what
we went over today.

Jim: Yes. Sure thing.

Luisa: Thank you.

Dr. Miles: Take care.

Jim: Okay.

Well, okay. What do you think,
hon?

Patti: I'm a little thirsty.

Luisa: Let me go get you
something.

Jim: No. I'll go. You stay here.

Patti: Jim, apple juice.

Jim: Sure.

Luisa: I have a bottle of water
on me. You want some?

Patti: No. Thank you. I want
something sweet.

Luisa: Okay. Well, let me

know if you need anything.

Patti: I don't need anything,
Lulu, except for you to sit here

with me and hold my hand.

Luisa: Okay.

Patti: Lulu, don't tell anyone
about this, about my condition.

Okay?

Luisa: Why does it matter if
anyone--

Patti: Okay?

Luisa: Okay.

Patti: I want you to make sure
that uncle is okay when I'm

gone. Okay?

Luisa: Auntie, why are you even
think

Patti: Okay?

Luisa: Okay.

Patti: Tomorrow, come over for
dinner. It's been a long time

since I've cooked for you.

Luisa: I don't think you should
be on your feet like that.

Patti: Did the doctor say that I
can't cook?

Luisa: Technically, no.

Patti: Lulu, I'm fine. I can
cook for my family. I'll make

your favorite.

Luisa: Stinky tofu?

Patti: Yes. Your mom loved
stinky tofu.

Luisa: Yeah?

Patti: Yeah. She loved my
cooking.

Luisa: I bet.

Patti: She hated cooking.

Luisa: Well, cooking's hard. It
takes skill.

Patti: You're just like her.

Luisa: We're both bad cooks?

Patti: You know what I mean.

Luisa: I think I do.

Patti: You have the best of her.
I hope she sees everything you

become. Dan dan noodles. I'll
make dan dan noodles and stinky

tofu. You like that?

Luisa: I would love that,
auntie.

Gloria: And the worst part is
feeling that feeling again, that

feeling of dread, the tiniest
thing would spark it, and I

didn't know how to cope. So I
did anything I could to run away

from it. Alcohol, heroin,
literally running away with

anyone who would let me tag
along. It's any wonder I'm still

here, but I am. Meditation saved
me.

It taught me that peace, real
peace up here and in here was a

practice. Anyway, maybe about
thirteen, fourteen years after

the attack, I was at Ralph's,
you know, just picking up some

groceries. I was going down the
soup aisle, and next thing I

know, I hear this. I look up,
and it's this teenage boy. He

was coming down the aisle, and
he stepped through this dried up

spill.

And with every step, I could
hear his converse sticking and

unsticking to the floor.
Suddenly, my ears started

ringing. And then I must have
blacked out. Next thing I know,

this woman is looking down at
me. I looked behind her, and

there are boxes upon boxes, and
all of them said, Green Giant

frozen peas.

I was in the stockroom in the
back of the store. I feel like I

blinked, and a dozen Ralph's
employees or spectators showed

up. They're all having a fuss.
Is she on crack? Should we call

911?

She might be dangerous. Turns
out that lady found me hiding,

curled up in, like, a catatonic
state. The mind is a trip, The

things it will do to protect its
vessel.

Luisa: It's remarkable.

Gloria: How is it that of all
the things that that's the thing

that brings me right back? A
sound, the sound of my attacker

nonchalantly strolling through
pools of blood on my family's

kitchen floor like he was taking
a walk through the park. I I

could feel every step he took.
He wore these heavy boots. I was

face down on the floor, but my
head was turned towards the

cabinet wall.

I think he thought I was dead
because he circled around me for

a few minutes. And then he just
stood there over me for what

felt like eternity. Finally, he
walked out into the hallway, but

I couldn't hear him anymore. The
rest of the house was carpeted.

So I waited a few minutes before
I decided it was safe to try to

open my eyes.

But when I did, all I could see
was red. It was my blood. So I

kept blinking, you know, to
clear my eyes. I was blinking

and blinking while trying to
remain still. I I had no idea if

he was still in the house.

But finally, my eyes were
starting to clear up, and as my

vision came into focus, I could
see something on the floor

beneath one of the cabinets. It
was a Smurf, one of those little

Smurf figurine toys. My brother
collected them. He loved the

Smurfs. It was his favorite
thing.

He was so proud of his
collection. But half the time,

they'd wind up on the floor, and
I'd step on one and hurt my

foot, and I'd make a point to
find him, yell at him for

leaving his stupid smirks all
over the place. No matter how

loud I yelled, he'd just ignore
me and continue playing.

Sometimes I'd grab him just so
he'd have to look at me, And

when he did, he would grin like
a Cheshire cat, as if to say,

sis, what's the big damn deal?
So there I am, lying on that

kitchen floor with this Smurf.

I I could feel the life draining
out of me as I'm staring at this

Smurf who's staring up at the
ceiling. He had a helmet on his

head and a spear in his hand and
this mean look on his face. I I

don't know how, but I managed to
get up off the floor. It was

slow, and I struggled, but I got
up. A few weeks later, the

police took me over to the
house.

I didn't want to go, but I
needed to get some things. And

when I walked by the kitchen, it
was just spick and span, like

nothing ever happened. And then
I remembered my friend. I looked

down underneath that cabinet,
and sure enough, that Smurf was

still lying there, looking up.
And for some reason, his face

didn't have that mean look
anymore.

Wait. What? Yeah. His face his
face looked like he was at

peace.

Luisa: No way.

Gloria: Yes way. Some things you
just can't explain.

Luisa: How do you how do

you deal with that, the unknown?
Earlier, you mentioned finding

peace. Does that peace include
not knowing, you know, who did

this and why they did this?

Gloria: It depends on the day.
It really depends on the day.

He was so proud of his
collection. But half the time,

they'd wind up on the floor, and
I I was blinking and blinking

while trying to remain still. I
I I had no idea if he was still

in the house.

Luisa: Shit. Is it already how
is it already 06:30? Coming. One

sec. Who is it?

Jordan: Nick Carter from the
Backstreet Boys. Nice.

Luisa: Hey. You're not Nick
Carter.

Trey: Sorry to disappoint.

Luisa: It's no disappointment.
It's good to see you.

Trey: It's good to see you.

Luisa: Thanks for bringing over
dinner.

Trey: Oh, good. Glad we can make
this happen. I I didn't wanna

interrupt your flow.

Luisa: Flow. That's sweet.
There's nothing flowing about my

writing process, but here, let
me get us some bowls and stuff.

You want anything to drink?
Sparkling water?

I also have these peach ciders.

Trey: Oh, I'll take one of them
ciders, please.

Luisa: You got it.

So you excited for your trip to
Deutschland?

Trey: Oh, yeah. Egg roll? Yes,
please.

Luisa: Is it all work, or will
you have some time for play?

Trey: My German colleagues
usually show me a good time. So

Luisa: Sounds Wunderbar.

Trey: It's a good group of
folks.

Luisa: Hey. Next time I see you,
are you gonna be wearing one of

those what are they called? The
traditional German outfit with,

like, the suspenders and the
short?

Trey: Leiderhosen?

Luisa: Yeah. Leiderhosen.

Trey: As much as I love Germany,
I cannot say that I love the

Leiderhosen look.

Luisa: What?

Trey: Not a fan.

Luisa: Oh, but I think you'd
look so cute. No?

Trey: I

I don't think I have the legs
for it.

Luisa: Have you ever tried on a
pair?

Trey: No.

Luisa: Then how do you know

that you don't have legs for
lederhosen?

Trey: You've got me there.

Luisa: Maybe try on a pair this
time and send me a pic.

Trey: Oh, yeah?

Luisa: Yeah.

Luisa: You'll be in Munich the
whole time?

Trey: Yep.

Luisa: And you get to go there

a few times a year?

Trey: Yep.

Luisa: Jealous. I need to get
out of this country and go see

more of the world.

Trey: Well, let's make that
happen.

Luisa: Ready when you are.

Trey: So weird thing happened
with my boss today. We were

talking about action items for
my trip, and then he just

nonchalantly asks me, would you
wanna relocate?

Luisa: Oh my god. To Munich?
Yeah. What'd you say?

Trey: I asked if he was being
serious. He was. And I said,

thank you. I'm just not sure I'm
at that place in life right now.

Yeah.

Maybe if I was younger, but
Roger Murtaugh said, I'm too old

for this shit.

Luisa: Okay. You are not old.
Also, you love Munich.

Trey: Doesn't mean I need to
live there.

Luisa: But, Trey, you shouldn't
just like that kind of offer,

that's, like, once in a
lifetime.

Trey: Sure. There are other
things that are once in a

lifetime, like this incredible
egg roll.

Luisa: Right.

Trey: Oh, how's your aunt doing?

Luisa: Oh, she's doing better.

Trey: So the seizure was just a
random thing?

Luisa: They're looking into it.
She's home now.

Trey: So uh, good news.

And this aunt is your mom's
sister. Right?

Luisa: Yeah.

Trey: Your mom, does she live
nearby?

Luisa: Oh,

I've been meaning to... I've
been meaning to go check in on

her.

Trey: It's good that you're
all so close.

Luisa: Right.

Trey: Could I get the fish
sauce?

Luisa: Yeah.

Sherry: Not my family, not
anyone at the hospital ever

asked me why I tried to swallow
a bottle of pills, and we never

spoke of it again. I think the
only thing more shocking than

Debra being the first person to
ask me that question is that I

answered honestly. I said,

not right now.

Debra: Hello there.

Luisa: Hey, Debra.

Debra: Good to hear from you.

Luisa: I'm so sorry. It's taking
me a minute to get back to you.

There's it it's been a rough
week.

Debra: Oh, what's going on?

Luisa: It it's, you know, same
old work, life, the whole

shebang.

Anyway, I've been meaning to
call you, but

Debra: Please do not worry.

Luisa: I know. But I I really I
wanted to tell you just how much

it means to me that you read my
manuscript. That alone is such a

kindness.

Debra: I couldn't put it down.

Luisa: That means a lot. I mean,
really. Okay. Well, this memoir

project, you know, it it it's
got me all kinds of nervous. I

mean, it it's going well, but do
you ever feel like you're not

enough or or or doing...

Debra: All

the time.

Luisa: Yeah.

Debra: What what's making you
feel that way with this project?

Luisa: I don't know. When I talk
to people about this memoir, the

first thing they say is, oh, the
girl from the Pine Street

killings? And I'm like, yeah.
Yeah. I guess what I'm trying to

say is that it's hard for me to
reconcile that it's the same

person.

You know? Like, when I look at
Gloria, I don't see a victim. I

just see Gloria doing her thing,
making me coffee, telling me

wild ass stories, living her
life. I sometimes, though, when

we're chatting, she'll turn her
head a certain way, and I will

see the scar from where her
throat was cut. And then, of

course, I'm like, oh.

Oh, yeah. Shit. But otherwise,
you would never know. You would

never know that she was that
girl who survived probably one

of the most horrific things
anyone could ever experience,

but yet she did. And she somehow
managed to find a reason to keep

going.

Debra: That's... yep. That's
very admirable.

Luisa: Yeah. It is. She's
inspiring, and I'm just nervous

because I I wanna do her story
justice. You know?

Debra: You are, and you will.

Luisa: Thanks, Debra.

Debra: Sherry would be so proud.

Luisa: Yeah.

Right.

Jordan: Yeah. I wasn't planning
on staying so long, but I

figured, shit. The flight's so
long. I might as well be out

here for a few weeks. Rei and
Ronnie have been good hosts too.

Luisa: I bet.

Jordan: But I'm starting to
tweak a bit. I'm really missing

my Italian food. Can you tell me
why there aren't any good

Italian spots here?

Luisa: Sorry? What?

Jordan: Can you tell me why
there aren't any good Italian

spots here?

Luisa: No. I heard you. I just
have no idea what you're talking

about.

Jordan: Name a good Italian
spot. Man, I am really digging

this song.

Luisa: Oh, what kind of Italian?
There's, like, all kinds.

Jordan: No. No. No. Name one
good Italian spot. Do you know

who sings this song?

Luisa: No.

Jordan: I'm gonna Shazam it.
Seriously, though. Name one good

Italian spot.

Luisa: Or you could go outside
and throw a rock and see which

incredible Italian restaurant it
lands on.

Jordan: See? You can't name a
spot. Do you like music?

Luisa: Do I like music?

Jordan: Yeah. Do you like music?

Luisa: Of course, I like music.
What kind of crazy ass question

is that?

Reina: Hello, friends. Hello.
Hello. Pipe down, Jordan.

Jordan: I wasn't even saying
anything.

Ronnie: Everyone shut up for a
second.

Reina: Thank you so, so much for
coming to our little

housewarming party. We are
overjoyed to have all of our

friends and family here, and so
we have a little surprise for

everyone.

Jordan: I hope it's cowboy hats.

Luisa: What?

Jordan: I hope that we're
getting cowboy hats.

Ronnie: The surprise is in the
backyard, so everyone head out

there now. Now, please go.

Go on. Get!

Jordan: They put cowboy hats
outside?

Ronnie: Keep it moving.

Reina: And we're walking
outside. All of us. All of us.

Oh, Luisa and Jordan. Wait.

Stay there. Listen. Ronnie and I
need some help with a surprise.

Jordan, can you meet him
outside? He'll give you the

deets.

Jordan: Alright. See you out
there.

Luisa: Reina, this sequin suit
on you is incredible.

Reina: I know. Thank you.

Luisa: Also, you're right.
Jordan is hella annoying.

Reina: I know. Thank you.

Try having him stay at your
place for two weeks.

Luisa: The guy said he's never
had good Italian in LA. Like,

sir, are you okay?

Reina: He's not okay. Speaking
of, are you okay?

Luisa: I'm

happy to be here.

Reina: I know it's been a

weird everything. So I just want
you to know that I am so

grateful that you came out
tonight, seriously.

Luisa: Rei, I wouldn't have
missed it.

Reina: Well, I wouldn't have let
you.

Luisa: My point exactly.

Reina: For real, I needed you
here tonight.

Luisa: To carry out this
mysterious surprise? Am I

passing out cowboy hats? Jordan
said he hoped the surprise was

cowboy hats.

Reina: What? No. It's not no.

Luisa: He's a space cadet.

Reina: A real Major Tom.

Luisa: Mhmm. So what do you
need?

Reina: So I need you to okay.
Let me rewind for a second. You

know that I don't talk to my dad
and my mom...

She's no longer with us. So I
wanted to ask you if you would

walk me down the aisle, you
know, at my wedding.

Luisa: You being serious?

Reina: The most serious.

Luisa: I mean, of of course.
Wait. Are you engaged?

Reina: Yes.

Luisa: When did that happen?

Reina: A few months ago.

Luisa: And you didn't tell me?

Reina: I couldn't.

Luisa: Why?

Reina: Because then this
wouldn't have been a surprise.

Luisa: This? What what do you
what do you mean, this?

Reina: This gathering tonight
wouldn't have been a surprise.

Lu, this isn't just a
housewarming party for Ronnie

and I. It's also our wedding.
Surprise.

And in about sixty seconds, I
would like for you, my sister

from another mister who I love
with all my heart and soul, to

walk me down the aisle. And by
aisle, I mean, through those

patio doors into the backyard
and give me away to the man I

love with all of my heart and
soul.

Luisa: This is happening right
now?

Reina: Yeah. Also, when I say
give me away, I mean, like, in a

nontransactional feminist, but
still romantic way.

Luisa: Of course.

Oh my god.

Reina: What?

Luisa: My best friend is getting
married.

Reina: Oh my god.

Luisa: What?

Reina: I am getting married.

You ready?

Luisa: Are you?

Reina: Yes. Take me to my man,
sissy.

Luisa: You got it, sissy.

Jordan: Can I top off your
drink?

Luisa: Oh my god. You scared me.

Jordan: Sorry.

May I interest you in some
champagne?

Luisa: Yeah. I'd love some
champagne. What?

Jordan: Your eyes are hella
puffy. Like... So puffy.

Luisa: Because I cried my weight
in tears, you freaking jerk.

Jordan: Yeah. You did. I thought
it was sweet, though. Truly.

Luisa: I'm a sucker for
weddings. I knew Rei didn't

wanna go the traditional route,
but, man, I didn't expect this.

Jordan: So you didn't know
anything?

Luisa: No. Did you?

Jordan: Wasn't on my radar at
all.

Luisa: How did it feel seeing
your best friend get married out

of the blue?

Jordan: Inspiring.

Luisa: Inspiring?

Jordan: Yeah. Ronnie and Reina,
they're out here living their

best lives, doing what they want
when they want. It's inspiring.

Luisa: Yeah.

Jordan: How about you? What was
it like seeing your best friend

get married like that?

Luisa: Well, of course, shocking
at first, then touching, like,

very touching, then a little
heartbreaking.

Jordan: Heartbreaking?

Luisa: Yeah. You

know that moment you realize
things are gonna change, not

necessarily for the worst, but
they're going to change, and

that's that.

Jordan: Well,

cheers to that.

Luisa: Cheers to that.

Jordan: Incredible.

Luisa: What?

Jordan: So many planes in the
sky here all the time.

Every night I come out here and
look up, planes.

Luisa: Well,

when LAX is in your backyard,
it's not exactly great for

stargazing.

Jordan: Stars are cool, but I
don't mind looking up and seeing

planes, thinking about all those
people up there coming and

going.

Luisa: Have you been to the In N
Out next to LAX?

Jordan: No.

Luisa: Oh, oh my god. It's
incredible. It's... okay.

So it's In N Out. It's literally
right off the tarmac. So you

just see these planes flying in,
and it they're so close. It just

it feels like you can reach up
and touch them.

Jordan: Shit.

Luisa: It's a trip.

Jordan: Sounds amazing.

Luisa: It is, highly recommend.

Jordan: Yeah. Maybe, next time
I'm in town.

Luisa: Oh, when do you leave?

Jordan: Tomorrow.

Luisa: Oh,

so that's gonna be you up in the
sky very soon.

Jordan: Yep. Looking down.

Luisa: Aw. On the city you
despise so much. I guess you're

stoked to go home.

Jordan: Yeah. I don't know. I'm
starting to like it here.

Luisa: Yeah? Even though there's
no good Italian here.

Jordan: Listen. Make a trip out
to Jersey, and I'll show you

decent Italian.

Luisa: Bene.

Jordan: Oh, fire's dying.

Luisa: Story of my life.

Jordan: Bazinga.

Want me to

throw some wood on?

Luisa: No. I should probably not
be antisocial and return to the

party. Okay. Wait. How bad are
my eyes?

Jordan: They're not bad.

Luisa: The puffiness is gone?

Jordan: No.

Luisa: So they still look bad?

Jordan: No. Your eyes are puffy,
but they're still beautiful.

Luisa: Oh, okay. Thanks.

Jordan: After you.

Sherry: That was loud. So I
think I made a friend. Not sure

how that happened, but there's
this woman in my psych class

who's been chatting my head off.
Debra. She's cool.

She talks a lot, but she's cool.
She gave me this party horn

today. Said it was a little gift
for me for Chinese New Year.

Last week, I told her that
Chinese New Year was coming up

and she asked me a bunch of
questions. Why is it different

than regular New Year?

What does it mean? Do you have a
countdown? A party? How do you

celebrate? Freaking chatty Cathy
that one.

Anyway, I answered her million
and one questions and said that

I don't really celebrate much of
anything. So then today, I come

into class and she hands me this
party horn with a note attached.

"Happy Chinese New Year, Sherry.
May you have good health and

good fortune. And just a
friendly reminder, any day is

worth celebrating."

I can't tell if this woman is
just really nice or if she's

trying to kill me. Whatever. Get
in line, Debra. What else? Oh,

yes.

The other night at the bar, some
jackass was talking nonsense. He

kept asking me weird shit.
"What's happened? What ails you?

Is something weighing on your
soul?"

I kept trying to laugh it off
because, you know, he was

clearly shit faced. And it's not
the first time some drunk talk

gibberish to me, but he kept his
eyes locked on me even though I

was like, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Mhmm.
Mhmm.

Okay. So finally, I was like,
what the fuck are you talking

about? And for a moment, his
face turned stoic and lucid as

if I didn't just witness him
pound eight beers. And he says,

"Such a beautiful face, but so
much sadness behind it."

Last night, I had my nightmare
again.

It's been a while, so I guess I
was due for one. But in this

one, he was chasing me down the
street I grew up on. I'm running

towards my childhood house and
as I get closer, I can see a

figure, an angelic figure
standing there almost floating,

reaching out her arms to me. So
I run even faster, and it's as

if my feet aren't even touching
the ground, I'm running so fast,

everything's a blur, but then I
look back and he's still there,

hot on my heels. He's so close
that I can see the drool going

down his chin.

I can see the stubble on his
ugly face. He's panting like a

rabid dog, eyes locked on me. I
finally turn away from him and

back towards my house and I can
still see the angelic figure.

But as I get closer, I can start
to make out a face. It's my mom.

And she's telling me, "Come
home, Sherry. Come home." I'm

breathing so hard that I can
barely make out the words, "I

am." And finally after running
for what felt like forever, my

feet touched down on my yard,
and my mother's face comes into

clear view.

And I reach out my arms for her,
and as we're about to embrace, I

feel his hands wrap around my
neck, yanking me back and I wake

up.

Babalu's gonna get a kick out of
this. People say when you become

a mother, everything changes.
You change. Debra said it

transformed her, made her a
better person.

I wonder when all of that kicks
in. Even when I was pregnant, no

one told me that I had that
glow. I still can't believe I'm

a mother. Who let that happen?
The first few months were really

hard.

Babalu wouldn't latch on to me.
Didn't matter how hungry she

was. She didn't want any of
mother's milk. You'd think my

tits were secreting poison.
We're learning about major

depressive disorder in class.

My professor said that it's
likely that more of us are

walking around with this
disorder than we know. Yeah, no

shit. What's not to be depressed
about?

See, this horn gets it.

Credits: Babalu was created,
written, and produced by me,

Kimberly Truong. Directed by
Katharine Chen Lerner. Sound

design, editing, and mixing by
Charles Moody. With performances

by Christine Liao, Circus
Szalewski, Lee Chen, Jaxy Boyd,

Greg Smith, Ruby Marez, Rishi
Arya, Joy Brunson, Varda

Appleton, Matt Catanzano, and
Kimberly Truong.

Theme music by Edith Mudge.
Additional music by Manish

Ayachit. Studio recording by
Parker Silzer and David Stern.

Artwork by Gabi Hawkins. Logo by
Alex Bruno.

A very special thank you to
Liesl Lafferty and the

Firecracker Department, Mari
Meyer, Peter Byrnes, Victoria

LaVilla, Brandon Beardsley,
Hillary and the boys, Katie

McCuen, and our incredible
Kickstarter backers. Babalu is a

production of Uneasy Tiger. For
more info or to support this

series, follow UneasyTiger on
Instagram or TikTok or visit

uneasytiger.com. If you or
someone you know is struggling

with suicidal thoughts, please
dial 988 or visit

988lifeline.org for resources
and support.